The indignities of it all! MST review by VGAP I know that a lot of you must be tired of usual disclaimers, but nevertheless I somehow feel obliged to say it...... *DEEP BREATH* This story was not meant for a profit. All the characters belong to respective owners.This was written without anybody's permission, but the author claims no responsibility nor copyright. This can be distributed freely, but it is not to be used outside of nonprofittable entertainment. There, you can all unplug your ears now..... Comments would be appreciated. Criticism will be praised. Ignorance awaits flames. Letter bombs will be returned. If you send me cash, checks, or your credit card number, I will worship you! I can be reached at . Or simply visit my homepage at . Ah, MST review... Always wanted to do one of these neat things. If I DON'T get a good response, I will STILL write it! Hehehe... Since this features characters from several series, some of them are undeniably out of character and may even have a relationship between them. All I can say is visit my Church of Crossover Couples at . Yes, this is a stupid way of advertising it, but hey, I want more people to vote. Enough rambling, let's start the story! MST of "Boy Meets Girls" by Julian Soullard Part 5 of 8 The door of the theater opened abruptly, catching everyone with surprise. What they saw caused Usagi to squeal, Ranma to growl and the rest to stare in confusion. Leaning on the door was a male figure in a black tuxedo, complete with a top hat and a cane. Much of his face was shrouded in darkness and was unidentifiable, although the barely-visible mask left no question for his identity. "Tuxedo Kamen!" Usagi squealed again happily, causing Ranma to tremble in jealousy. The only thing that held him back from jumping on to the newcomer was the fact that he was not exactly loyal to her either. "I'm so glad you are here!" She stood up from her seat to run up to him, but he gestured her to stop. "Usako..." The prince of earth coughed once before continuing, "I have heard some disturbing rumors concerning you. Specifically, about what you are saying of me." Ranma frowned. His acute senses were trying to tell him something... But what? Something about that voice... Usagi blinked, puzzled. "What are you talking about, Mamochan?" The (one of) object(s) of her affection shifted uncomfortably. "They say that you... slander... my fashion sense, claiming my current apparel to be laughable." Usagi, as was her wont, panicked at the thought of a conflict between her and Mamoru. "NO! I never said anything like that, believe me!" Hikaru whispered to Goku, "I thought that you needed an invitation to get into this theater. How did Mamoru get in?" "Easy. That's not Mamoru." Goku replied in a resigned tone. "What? ... Oh. I see." Hikaru smiled at the thought of more embarassment on Usagi's part. "Really?" The masked figure allowed himself a small smile. "Then do you think I'm well dressed right now?" It finally downed on Ranma just WHAT was wrong. "Usagi! Don't-" "Of course I think so! You ARE well dressed!" "-say... it... Too late." Ranma sighed. The figure smiled, and started walking toward the seats. "Okay, you now owe me some serious gils." "Gils?" Usagi repeated. "What do you mean... Cu, cu, CLOUD!?!?!" Cloud removed his top hat, revealing the blonde spikes hidden inside. He also took off the gloves and the mask. "Yours truly." "You... You jerk!" Usagi shouted, but was easily ignored. "My ... My poor wallet! WAAAHHHHH!!" Ranma dodged out of the way of geyser of tears. "Hey, Goku. Do you mind if I have a cup of your coke?" "Go ahead." Goku indicated to the half-full barrel of coke, and half-dozen mugs next to it. "Thanks." "WAAAAHHHHHHH!!" The fanfic resumed. >Dragon ball Z/Sailor Moon fanfic. > >"Boy meets girls" > >By Julian Soullard (e-mail: jnsoullard@hotmail.com) > Cloud: Let's skip the disclaimers. > Chapter 5: The hopeless couple. > Cloud: Well they're teenagers, what do you expect? Hikaru: Will you quit with the perverted remarks already?! Goku: Huh? Usagi: Sniff... Sniff... > > >A new day in Trunks' new lifestyle was about to start as he got out of >bed. It was school day (not that it made him any happier though). The Ranma: Hey, I just thought of something. Since this is during Sailor Moon R, shouldn't Inner Senshi still be in 9th grade? How can they be going to the same school as Trunks does? Usagi: (wiping her eyes) Come to think of it, that's strange... >clock marked 7:30 AM as he began to take his breakfast, he turned on >the radio while he ate. Nothing really interesting was said at the news >broadcast this morning besides the usual report about the Sailor Senshi >and their recent fights. >Trunks smiled as the reporter began making observations about the >Senshi. So far he managed to keep his identity in secret, he really >didn't want everyone in town to know he didn't came from this planet >(or reality for that matter), not that he wouldn't be able to handle >it, but most of all because he started to like the fact of hiding his >abilities from the rest. Cloud: Why? Ranma: To make friends without letting them know how powerful you really are, maybe? >This was after all quite a peaceful city compared to the place he came >from. >Of course there were monsters now and then, but they weren't such a big >threat to the people, unlike #17 and #18. If he revealed his powers to Goku: True... Most of the monsters in Sailor Moon are relatively weak. Usagi: Hey! Hikaru: It's true isn't it? Usagi: Well so are yours! Hikaru: Hmph. >the public just like that, he might cause a lot of chaos, and he really >didn't want that. After all there were nice people in this place like >Usagi, Amy, Rei, Minako and especially Makoto who shouldn't get >involved in such a mess. Ranma: Amy? Usagi: Will this author quit mistaking our names already!? >Therefore, acting *normal* was not only a choice but an obligation as >well. Hikaru: Reasonable conclusion, I suppose. > >7:50 AM, Trunks calmly finished breakfast and got dressed. A few >moments later he steeped out of his house wearing his school uniform >and consulted his wrist watch, 7:54 with 39 seconds. Trunks started >stretching to kill some time, then he consulted his watch once again, >he took a running stance while still looking at the time. 5... 4... >3... 2... 1... GO! Usagi: This paragraph is so clumsy... Can't you fix it? > >The Sayan hybrid ran down to Tokyo leaving a usual trail of smoke >behind him. Even though he didn't want to attract any attention by >doing something unusual (such as now), by running this fast no one >could see him, Let's not say identify him. For the last week he always Cloud: Capitalization error. >did this. Wake up at 7:30, leave to school at 7:55. It was really a >good workout, if he ran fast enough and avoided the countless obstacles >such as cars, people, traffic lights and stuff like that, he would be >on time for school, otherwise, he would have to stand by the hall. It >was kind of a personal challenge. Hikaru: But what if you hit someone accidentally? You could REALLY hurt them... > >Up ahead he saw Usagi running to school as well, late as usual, Trunks >slowed down to join her. Usagi: *SIGH* > >"Hi, Trunks! " she said while still running "I don't think >we're going to make it in time!" Cloud: ............. > >"Oh yes we are!" he told her as he grabbed her hand and dashed towards >school, although he didn't ran as fast as he usually did in order to >avoid suspicion from Usagi, still, he was running quite fast for a >normal person. Usagi's feet weren't touching the ground anymore, she >was being pulled in an "Project A-ko" kinda way. Usagi: Clumsy paragraph here. Ranma: And if he went slower than usual, then he wouldn't make it on time. > >"...wwwaAAAAAAAaaaaaa....." was the only thing everybody heard as >Trunks ran while holding a scared Usagi. > >"7:59 sharp!" said Trunks making a sudden stop in front of the school >gate "We made it!" Ranma: How? Contradiction! Last chapter he ran at 30 mph and took 10 minutes to get there! Are you telling us that he's running at twice the speed?! Didn't you say he slowed down with Usagi?! WHAT'S WITH THIS?!? Usagi: Ranma, calm down! Hikaru: Quit ranting, it's not good for you! Ranma: Oh yeah... Sorry. > >"Thanks for the ride." Said Usagi holding her arm in pain. > >School day went like most of the other days. Trunks still hated mat >but managed to pretend he was paying attention, soon it would be lunch >time, he would get some time to recover from math class only to have >Literature next, which was almost as bad. Trunks glared at the clock on >top of the teacher's desk. Just five more minutes. Cloud: "Math" misspelled. Usagi: And clumsy paragraph again. > >"Ring... ring... RING DAM IT!!!!" He said to himself while firmly >looking at the clock. Cloud: "Damn" misspelled. Ranma: Argh. Trunks is OOC again... > >Five minutes later: > > > >"Finally!!" Makoto said while pulling out two lunch boxes and heading >towards Trunks' class room. She had to hurry, or the other girls would >beat her to him. Ranma: Other girls? What other girls? Hikaru: Maybe she's afraid of competition from Ami? > >Trunks got up and headed to the yard, on his way out he found Makoto >with her charming smile, holding an extra lunch box. > >"Don't tell me you made lunch for me again?" he asked her not very >surprised. > >"That's right!" she joyfully replied. > >"You know, you really don't have to go through all that trouble." he >told her, he actually liked the fact that someone cooked for him, after >all, Makoto cooked very well, but it made him feel a little >uncomfortable. Ranma: Yeah, after all, who knows what kind of funny stuff she puts in there? Cloud: This is Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball, you idiot. People don't put love potions and such in food! > >"Too late." she responded "You already told me you liked it, so now you >have no choice but to eat whatever I make you." handing over the box. Cloud: ................ Usagi: Remove the last sentence fragment, it's unnecesseary. > >"Oh, the cruel torture you're putting me through." Trunks cynically >added as he took the box and headed outside with Makoto. > Ranma: Just be grateful that she can cook. >They were both sitting on a bench next to each other, Trunks was >wolfing down his lunch while Makoto was smiling at him, watching him >enjoy the food she made. > >"Say... Trunks-kun," Makoto started "how about going to a movie after >school?" Cloud: ............... Usagi: Go go Makochan! Hikaru: Hmm... I'm not sure if this is premature or not... > >"Sure." he answered "Although I'm going to study with Ami after school, >is it okay if I meet you after that?" Cloud: ............... > >"No problem," she said "I have aerobics class later today with Minako, >I'll be done by 5:00 PM, where should we meet?" > Cloud: ............... > >Later, that same day, Trunks was at Ami's place studying. The young >genius was really a tuff tutor, so far she already forced her comarade >to make 5 complex geometry exercises, 20 different equations and a >complete math test. Cloud: "Tough" and "comrade" misspelled. Usagi: Replace the third comma with a semicolon. >Trunks really was over his league. All that training he had back home >was useless in front of the horrors of MATH. Ranma: How? His mother made a TIME-MACHINE for god's sake! > >"Ami, please..." Trunks begged "My head is starting to hurt, I need a >break." Cloud: ............... > >"All right then," Ami said as she put the book aside "let's take ten >minutes before doing some *serious* studding." Cloud: "Studying" misspelled, and punctuation needed. > >"I think I'll need ten weeks..." > >"Anyway, do you understand any better the concept of derivative >functions now?" she asked. > >"Yeah, I think so." he answered "But let's try not to talk about math >for the next ten minutes, all right?" as he started massaging his head. Cloud: ............... Usagi: Replace... Oh, to the heck with it. > >"Okay." she stated "Hum... what do you want to talk about instead?" Cloud: Do you mean "hmm" or "huh"? And punctuation needed again. > >"I don't know, anything that isn't related to school should be fine for >a change." Cloud: I would suggest an intelligent, practical, and educational discussion about certain scenes of Dirty Pair. Ranma: Get your mind out of the gutter already! > >"Okay... hum... how are you adapting yourself to Tokyo so far?" she >brought out. Cloud: "Hmm" misspelled again. > >"I think I'm doing okay so far." Trunks responded "You girls've been >very nice to me, I really appreciate that you helped me to get around >in town." Cloud: ............... > >"You're quite welcome." Ami told him "It seems you even managed to make >new friends along the way, especially Mako-chan." Cloud: ............... > >"Yeah, I guess we both have a lot in common." Trunks declared "She's >really a sweet girl." Cloud: ............... > >"By the way, Trunks." she asked "Are both of you... well... you >know..." Cloud: ............... > >"What?" he asked not getting the point "Are both of us what?" Cloud: Virgins? Usagi: That's it, I have had enough! MOON SPIRAL HEARTATTACK! Hikaru: For once I agree with you! AKAI INAZUMA! (*CRASH**ZAP*) Cloud: OUCH!! Punctuation needed. (casts a Cure on himself) Usagi: Remember, next time it will be worse! Cloud: Whatever. > >"You know, like... boyfriend-girlfriend?" > >"Hun? What ever gave you that idea?" he said very surprise of seeing >her ask something like that. Cloud: "Huh" misspelled, "whatever" is one word, and "surprise" needs to be in a past tense. > >"Well... both of you spend a lot of time together..."Ami continued >"Most people at school think that you have something going on." Cloud: ............... > >[Must be because of the lunch she makes me each day,] Trunks thought [I >can't believe how words go around at school.] "Well, we're only >friends," he told her "I think people at school are taking it the wrong >way, that's all." Cloud: ............... > >"I see," Ami stated "sorry for making such a stupid question." although >she knew that Makoto was looking for something more than just >friendship. Cloud: ............... Usagi: Can't you rephrase that last sentence fragment? > >"Don't be sorry," Trunks said "I think it's just something that needs >clearing up, that's all." Cloud: ............... Ranma: I guess since he has no intention of staying here more than necesseary, he doesn't want to get attached. > >"You're right." she said, then looked at her watch "Well, ten minutes >break is over, time to hit the books." Cloud: ............... > >"Already???? " > > > >Meanwhile, on a gym farther away from Ami's house, Makoto and Minako >were doing some different kind of exercise. They were pumping iron, >doing some bicycle and other stuff to keep there bodies in top shape >(which I must admit *are* in top shape). Cloud: Oh yes, especially Jupiter... (grins lecherously) Hikaru: Should have brought my Mashin with me... > >"So Mako-chan," began Minako while doing some weight lifting "how are >things going between you and Trunks?" Cloud: ............... > >"Well..." Makoto answered a little disappointed as she stopped doing >some bicycle "It's going kinda slow." Cloud: ............... > >"You mean he hasn't kissed you yet?" Minako asked "What's wrong with >him?" Cloud: ............... Usagi: (Minako voice) Is he, like, disfunctional? Hikaru: (Makoto voice) No, I think he's... you know. Cloud: Hey, why are YOU two allowed to make perverted comments when I'm not? Ranma: Universal anime sexism. Girls NEVER get hit by guys when they make perverted comments. > >"Nothing." Makoto replied in Trunks' defense "It's only been two weeks >since he got here after all, I guess he's just the slow type, that's >all." Cloud: ............... > >"Yeah I know that," Minako added "but remember he'll only be staying >here for a month, that's two weeks from today, you might as well hurry >up before he leaves." Cloud: ............... > >"I know, I know." Makoto admitted "But hey, maybe he won't want to >leave if I really get him attached to me. Maybe he'll stay through this >school's year at least." Cloud: ............... Hikaru: Yeah right. Usagi: Hey, he might! Hikaru: If Trunks REALLY was here by accident, which is actually true, do you think he will, no, CAN stay here longer than necesseary? Usagi: Uh... > >"You really think you can do that?" > >"Sure." > >"I'm still not convinced with this guy of yours." Minako stated "What >is it that makes him so special?" Cloud: ............... Ranma: Isn't Minako a bit OOC here? She normally isn't this suspicious of any good-looking guy. > >"Come on," Makoto mockingly declared "You've seen him. What kind of >question is that?" Cloud: ............... > >"Yeah I know he's really good looking and does have a great >body..." Minako admitted, she started blushing and drooling as her >imagination took the drivers' seat until she noticed that Makoto was Cloud: ............... Ranma: Okay, THIS is more like her... Usagi: Same old Minako-chan. Hikaru: Same old shameless airhead, you mean. Usagi: Don't talk about my friends in that way, you fire slut! Hikaru: It's only what you do to MY friends! Goku: STOP FIGHTING ALREADY!! >staring at her a little concerned " Well anyway, surely there's >more than looks behind all of this. What makes him so special? I never >thought you liked gloomy guys like him." Cloud: ............... Hikaru: Why not? > >"Well..." Makoto started "I've gotten very close to him recently, he >had quite an awful childhood but he's really sweet and caring. He seems >cold all the time, but he's really very sensitive, he just doesn't like >to show it." Cloud: ............... Usagi: Nice discription of Trunks. > >"Looks that there was more than I expected about him." Minako confessed >"Do you know how he feels for you?" Cloud: ............... > >"So far he treats me as a great friend, which isn't quite bad, but..." >she paused "I really hope he could consider seeing me as a girlfriend >soon." Cloud: ............... Ranma: With the way Trunks has been so drastically altered in this fic, I sincerely doubt that. > >"So what are you planning to do to seduce him?" Cloud: Hey, I thought this fanfic was lemon-free... Not that I'm complaining. Hikaru: Well I'm complaining! I don't want any tasteless sex scenes! > >"Well, we're going to see a movie later today." Makoto answered "Maybe >I'll get a chance there." Cloud: ............... Hikaru: Oh, that kind of seduction I can deal with. > >"A movie?" Minako said "If that's the case why don't you go and see Baz >Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet, I've seen it and believe me you'll have >him all to yourself at the end of the show." Cloud: ............... Hikaru: Believe me, you won't. Usagi: I would hate to agree with you, but with this Trunks? Unlikely to say the least. > >"Are you sure?" Makoto asked "Is it that intense?" Cloud: ............... > >"Trust me on this one." Minako said confidently "No matter how slow he >is when it comes to love, that movie is guaranteed to have his lips >stuck in your mouth for at least half an hour. He can't possibly be >dense enough as to ignore such an opportunity." Cloud: Oh-ho! Ranma: Let's just hope that what she's saying won't happen LITERALLY... Otherwise, both of them are going to be suffocating. Goku: I REALLY want to see some fight scenes! Cloud: Punctuation needed. > >"Well... I wouldn't be so sure." Makoto replied "He never had a >girlfriend after all, I'm not sure if he knows how to make a pass at a >girl." Cloud: ............... > >"What???" Minako asked surprised "He *never* had a girlfriend???? >Ever???? I would have thought that a guy like him would've had at least >five or six!" Cloud: ............... Ranma: She already knew this at chapter 3, you know. Usagi: Continuity error. Hikaru: Actually, most good-looking anime males don't have relationships that often, though he might receive a lot of crushes. > >"I know," Makoto explained "I was surprised also when I asked him, he >seemed a little embarrassed by the subject, I never though he was one >of those guys that came right out of the oven untouched, especially >while being such a hunk." Cloud: Punctuation needed, and "thought" misspelled. Usagi: You said it Makochan! Ranma: (growls) Usaaaagiiii... Usagi: Oops, sorry! > > >At that same time: > > > >"Bless you!" Ami said once more "You've been sneezing a lot lately, are >you catching a cold or something?" Cloud: ............... > >"I don't know." answered Trunks. > > >As time went on, Trunks finished studying with Ami. He still had some >time before meeting with Makoto, so he decided to run home and get >change. Cloud: "Change" needs to be in a past tense. >This school uniform was really uncomfortable, he liked his own clothes >better. He wasn't a last fashion kind of guy but he really became >attached to that ridiculously short blue jacket of his and those wide >pants. He could move more freely in those that in his tight school >uniform. Cloud: "Latest", not "last". Ranma: I wouldn't call that jacket ridiculously short... > >Around 5:00 PM he went to look for his friend at the gym. Going out to >see a movie wasn't something he usually did, but if Mako-chan felt like >it... why not? Hikaru: There's plenty of reasons why not to. Usagi: Oh yeah? I don't see you Magic Knights getting lots of dates either! (Hikaru just smirks back at Usagi, who gets confused. Ranma becomes nervous again.) Ranma: (thinking) At least she isn't mentioning what I promised her... >Trunks' head still hurt after Ami's math special studying session, he >still couldn't understand how she managed to find it all so >interesting. On their way out, Makoto and Minako found Trunks heading >calmly towards them with his hands in his pockets. Cloud: Add a "s" after the apostrophe. > >"You're just in time." Makoto brought out "You even had time to >change." Cloud: ............... > >"Hi, Trunks. Nice seeing you again." Minako added. > >"Hey, girls." Trunks responded casually. > >"Well I have to go now," Minako said as she headed home "You two have a >nice evening okay." she winked at Makoto as she nodded back at her in >agreement knowing what she meant. Trunks on the other hand wasn't sure >of what they were winking and nodding about (Isn't it horrible when >women start communicating in front of you knowing that you're unable to >understand them?). Cloud: ............... Ranma: Hear, hear! Cloud: (raises an eyebrow) That sounds strange coming from a gender-changer like you. Ranma: Aw, shut up. Hikaru: Really, Ranma, you aren't as dense as THIS, are you? Ranma: Of course not. I just sympathize with him because I know exactly how that feels. > >"Uh... Bye." he said as she saw her leave, then turned back at Makoto >"By the way, Mako-chan. Is it okay if we grab something to eat before >going to the movies?" Cloud: ............... > >"Sure, I know just the spot." Cloud: How about- Usagi: I SAID NO MORE PERVERTED REMARKS!! Cloud: Okay, okay. > >Both of them began walking by the street. Trunks' head was still >pounding, if he had something to eat he might recover. They finally >came to a snack bar where Usagi and Mamoru where dating, Makoto spotted >them and went to join the couple while Trunks was ordering something to >eat. Usagi: Mamochan! (Usagi gets starry-eyed, not noticing Ranma's dilemma with jealousy and guilt he feels.) > >"Hi, guys. What a coincidence of meeting you here." Makoto said. > >"Hi, Mako-chan" responded both Usagi and Mamoru "What brings you here?" Cloud: ............... Ranma: Would Mamoru refer to Makoto as Makochan? I'm not sure about this. > >"Just came with Trunks-kun to get something to eat then go to see a >movie." > >"Who is Trunks?" Mamoru asked. > >"The guy standing in line over there." Makoto pointed out "What about >you two love birds? How are things going?" Cloud: Punctuation needed, and "lovebirds" is one word. Usagi: I wish this author focuses more on me and Mamochan... (sighs) Hikaru: Dream on. Ranma: (thinking) Damn it... Usagi or Hikaru... Hikaru or Usagi... Argh... > >"Mako-chan, can you help me try to put some sense in Mamo-chan?" Usagi >asked. > >"What's wrong?" > >"Well," Usagi began "Mamo-chan has this great opportunity to go and >give class to a high school in Tokyo..." Cloud: ............... Ranma: Another plot development? > >"That's right," Mamoru added "each year our college chooses some >qualified students from the campus to give classes to junior high >students, this is done also as a part of our career training in order >to become more familiar with teaching and assisting students with there >school doubts. This year, I've been nominated to give classes." Cloud: ............... > >"It's a great opportunity," continued Usagi "Looks like by doing so it >helps your image at college in front of all the teachers and even the >headmaster of your faculty." Cloud: ............... > >"So what's the problem?" Makoto asked them. > >"That I'm not whiling to do that." answered Mamoru. Cloud: "Willing" misspelled. > >"Why not?" > >"I'm not leaving while there are some monsters rampaging the city >*here*." he explained "There's no way I'm going to let you girls alone >against something that dangerous, how do you expect me to leave in a >middle of this crisis?" Cloud: ............... Goku: But what good is Tuxedo Kamen? His power level is rather too low to be anything more than a moral support in most occasions... Usagi: Don't you talk about my boyfriend like that! Goku: But isn't that the fact? Usagi: So what? He's still my hero! Hikaru: Does that mean you don't want Ranma then? Usagi: No! Both of them are mine! Hikaru: (shaking her head) Oh honestly... Ranma: Grrr... > >"You're worrying too much." Makoto stated "I'm sure we'll be able to >handle what ever comes out at us, you on the other hand shouldn't be >wasting this chance, I think Usagi is right." She really tried to >convince him, they were facing something new and which they didn't >understood completely, but she didn't want Mamoru to worry over it, >even if the last battle was very difficult. If Super Saya-man hadn't >shown up It would've been a different story. Cloud: Punctuation needed, and capitalization error. Usagi: Good use of plot device here. Super Saiyaman can fill in the gap for Tuxedo Kamen adequately. Hikaru: Weren't you defending him a moment ago? Usagi: I'm not stupid, I know Trunks is much stronger than all of us combined at this point. > >"You see!" Usagi pointed out "I told you, you didn't have to worry >about that, we'll be able to take care of each other." Cloud: ............... > >"Well... I'm still not sure about this." Mamoru insisted. > >"If something out of hand shows up you'll be the first to know." Makoto >added "Besides, there hasn't been a monster in the last few days. Maybe >the whole thing is fixed." she knew she wasn't saying the truth but it >was for the best of Mamoru's interest that she lied. Cloud: ............... Hikaru: Lying will rarely get you anywhere, you know. > >At that precise moment, Trunks walked towards them while caring his >order, there was enough food there to feed an army. Cloud: "Carrying" misspelled. Ranma: Now THIS is NOT OOC. All of Saiyajins have huge appetites, sans exception. > >[I wonder who that guy is?] he thought noticing Mamoru [I'm almost >certain I've seen him before. But where?]. Cloud: Punctuation needed, and remove the period at the end. > >"Trunks, come here and join us!" Usagi told him, Trunks took an empty >seat next to Mamoru "By the way, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, >Mamoru Chiba." Cloud: ............... > >"Nice to meet you." said Mamoru. > >"Nice to meet you too." responded Trunks laying down his tray filled >with food [He looks a lot older than Usagi for being her boyfriend.] Cloud: ............... > >"You're planning to eat all that?" Makoto asked pointing at the >enormous amount of food that was on the tray. > >"Sure, why not?" he responded as he began to devour everything he >ordered. > >Everyone was looking at him with big sweat drops on there heads, >although Trunks didn't noticed, as long as he was eating nothing else >mattered. Cloud: Double past tense, and "their", not "there". > >"Anyway, Mamoru." Makoto continued "I think you should give that >class." Cloud: ............... Usagi: This dialogue is kinda chunky... Isn't "a try" missing? > >"I guess you're right." he stated "Just keep in touch with me if >anything happens, okay?" Cloud: ............... Ranma: Hey Goku, I'm going to have another cup of coke, okay? Goku: Suit yourself. > >"Don't worry, we will." Usagi said "By the way, in which high school >are you going to give class?" Cloud: ............... > >"It's in the Nerima district," Mamoru answered "I think it's called >Furinkan high." (*SPLASH* Ranma falls into the barrel of soft drink headfirst, getting stuck.) Goku: (agonized voice) My drink! Ranma: (swinging her legs) Geergg bee aadda heear! Cloud: (clapping) Bravo! Bravo! Great facefault there! (Usagi and Hikaru pulls female Ranma out by her legs.) Ranma: (sputtering and dripping) Did I hear that correctly? Is Mamoru really going to Nerima? (sits back down, but next to Hikaru this time instead of between Usagi and Hikaru) Cloud: Sure looks like it. Goku: (moaning) My drink... Usagi: (starting to panic) No, Mamochan! Don't go! Hikaru: Hmm... I wonder if this is going to involve Ranma 1/2 in future chapters? Cloud: Punctuation and capitalization needed. > >"I think I've heard that name before," Makoto declared "although I >can't remember..." Cloud: ............... Ranma: (squeezing her pigtail) I can't believe I'm actually sympathizing for Mamoru... Hikaru: He's just so doomed. > >"Do you think you can handle it?" Usagi asked. Usagi: No! No! Don't goooo! > >"Sure thing." Mamoru said confidently "How hard can it be? I bet the >students there are like the ones in any high school. No problem." Cloud: ............... Usagi: Noooooo! Mamochaaaan! Hikaru: Oh Mamoru, Mamoru, Mamoru... You don't realize what you're getting yourself into. Cloud: (grins) I like this subplot here. Ranma: Well, it's highly humorous, but it's also highly torturous for Mamoru... (shrugs) Oh well. > > > >A few moments later, Usagi and Mamoru left the snack bar. That left >Trunks and Makoto alone. Much to the brunette's surprise, her date >finished eating rather quickly. > >"I can't believe you ate the whole thing." Makoto pointed out. > >"You'd be surprised if you knew how many calories I burn each day." >Trunks replied "So, what do you want to see tonight?" Cloud: ............... Ranma: I wonder how many calories a Saiyajin requires daily? Goku: Let's just say A LOT. > > >"Well, I was told that there's a new movie, it's an adaptation of >Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, what do you think?" > >"Sure, if you want to." he said, although he didn't knew who Romeo and >Juliet were. Ranma: Why do I have a feeling that this date is going to end up in a disaster? Cloud: Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's because of Trunks's altered behavior in this fic? Or because most dates in anime are interrupted by a fight or rivals? > >"By the way," Makoto said as she pulled out some fresh mints out of her >pocket "you might want to use these. [If this is going to be our first >kiss I really wouldn't want it to taste like a hamburger with fries]" Cloud: ............... Hikaru: An agressive way of seduction, but knowing THIS Trunks, he won't get the meaning. > >"Uh... okay." Trunks accepted as he put them in his mouth. > Hikaru: See? Ranma: My feeling of upcoming doom is only growing. > > >Once in the theater, the couple took a seat. Makoto was very >enthusiastic, Trunks on the other hand was quite indifferent to the >event, obviously he wasn't hoping for the same thing his date was. He >was more concerned about the headache which was as a result of Ami's >intensive studying session. As the film started, everyone paid close Usag: Yuck... Another clumsy paragraph. >attention to the plot. Trunks found it all quite boring. How could this >Romeo guy love a girl he just met? It didn't make any sense, and on top >of all that, his aching head didn't help either to let him enjoy the >show. Time went on and the film was at it's most "romantic" moment (so Cloud: Remove the apostrophe. Ranma: Romeo and Juliet... I have some bad memories about that play. Cloud: (grins) Yes, you made an amazing Juliet. That kiss scene with Kuno was especially good. Ranma: SHUT UP! >to speak), Makoto noticed that most of the couples in the room stopped >looking at the screen and started kissing instead. She turned and took (Usagi suddenly grabs the redhead next to her, initiating a liplock before she can protest. She enjoys the long, passionate kiss, while her partner just freezes there.) Goku: (wide-eyed) Usagi...? Cloud: Um... Hey... (A crashing sound finally compels Usagi to stop. Looking down, she finds Ranma with her bottom on the floor. Blinking, she turns back around, and sees a paralyzed Hikaru.) (LONG silence.) Usagi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Usagi's scream finally brings Hikaru back to reality. She twitches, flushes, and then...) Hikaru: UUUUUSAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIII!!! (Usagi starts running, with Hikaru after her swinging her sword like a maniac.) Goku: What... What happenned? Cloud: Looks like Usagi was too focused on the thought of kissing Ranma that she didn't bother identifying the target... He... Hehehe... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ranma: Ah... Ah... Goku: Oh boy. (sweatdrops) >a look at Trunks, she couldn't see his face from were she stood, most >of all because of his hair that covered his eyes and the lack of light >in the room. >He stood there motionless arms crossed in front of his chest. Cloud: I'll take Usagi's role for now; a comma or two ought to polish that sentence. Hikaru: HONOU NO YA!! Usagi: (dodges) Kyaaaaaaahhh! Goku: Ranma, shouldn't you stop them? Ranma: (regaining his composure) Forget it, Goku. I'm not even going to try. > >[He doesn't seem to be complaining from bringing him here.] she thought >[Maybe I should make the first move.] Cloud: ............. Ranma: That will be a mistake, I think. Hikaru: USAGI TSUKINO, PREPARE TO DIE!! Usagi: Heeeelp! Goku: I suppose I should stop them before Hikaru kills Usagi... (gets up) Ranma: I think you will regret it. > >Smoothly, Makoto put her arm around his and lay her head affectionately >on his shoulder, waiting impatiently for him to make the next move. She >didn't waited long as she could feel how Trunks' head slowly leant on (Hikaru has backed Usagi against a wall.) Hikaru: Now I have got you! Prepare to die! (Hikaru swings her sword, but the slash is interrupted by Goku clamping down on the blade.) Goku: I think that's en- Usagi: Why you! (turns around to face Goku) HIKARI! (A massive fire in the shape of her beloved puppy pounces on Goku, who jumps around trying to put out the fire on his pants. Usagi takes this opportunity to run back to her seat and hide behind Ranma.) Usagi: Ranma, save me! Ranma: Calm down, Usagi. I think Hikaru is wiped out. Usagi: Huh? (Hikaru limps back to her seat, breathing heavily. She still has a furious look on her face, but is badly winded because of her overuse of spells.) Hikaru: I... Will... Get... My... Revenge... Later... (She slumps back down to her seat, much to Usagi's relief.) Cloud: Double past tense, and "s" needed after the apostrophe. >top of hers. She could feel his soft purple hair caressing her cheek, >so far he'd never been so affectionate to her. It felt really nice. Hikaru: (gets wide-eyed) Wow... So Trunks IS... Actually getting... Romantic? Usagi: Yeah! Go Makochan! Go go Makochan! Cloud: Hook, line and... >Unfortunately, Makoto's hopes were immediately shattered as she started >to hear him snore. He was completely out, unable to keep himself awake >during the show. Trunks really knew how to break the romantic mood as >everyone turned around facing the noisy couple in complaint. Makoto >woke him up. > >And here she thought he was making a pass at her.... Cloud: Sinker. (chuckles) Usagi: ARGH! Trunks, you idiot! Hikaru: I should have known. Ranma: Okay, I admit, this is funny. But is it worth all of Trunks's OOC behavior? I don't think so. > >"I can't believe you fell asleep!" Makoto declared angrily while >walking down the street, this date turned out to be a complete >disappointment. Usagi: Replace the comma with a semicolon. (Goku limps back to his seat, his meat done rare.) Goku: Hikaru... That wasn't *COUGH* nice... Hikaru: Hmph. Ranma: I told you you were going to regret it. Goku: I should have turned into Super-Saiyajin first. *GROAN* > >"I'm sorry." Trunks apologized once again, Mako-chan was really pissed >off at him, he never saw her so angry and he didn't liked it either >"How can I make it up to you?" Cloud: ................ Usagi: Eww. Really clumsy sentence there. Goku: Huh? What happenned? Ranma: Let's just say that Trunks goofed up big time. Goku: Okay... > >"Just forget it!" she answered still in a cold tone of voice "It was a >dumb idea coming here anyway!" Cloud: ................ Usagi: Funny, this dialogue sounds hot, not cold. Perhaps replacing the exclamation marks with periods would help. > >Trunks was really confused, he didn't expect her to be so upset over >this, but didn't want her to still be angry at him for the rest of the >evening. He reached to her with his hand to stop her from walking away. >Makoto felt Trunks warm hand holding her shoulder. She stopped and >turned towards him, he was firmly looking at her. Usagi: Run-on sentence X 2 = a messy paragraph. > >"Mako-chan, listen." he explained "I'm really sorry I fell asleep. It's >just that I was too tired after studying with Ami. Believe me I didn't >want to embarrass you in front of all those people. You know I wouldn't >want toupset you in any way." Cloud: Punctuation needed, and separate "to" and "upset". Usagi: Well, at least he's apologizing. > >Makoto looked at him, how could she still be angry at him while he was >looking at her with those eyes. She noticed that Trunks was holing her >shoulder in a very gentle way. Even though he was completely dense Cloud: How do you make a hole in someone's shoulder very gently? Hikaru: Oh, just point out the spelling mistake. Usagi: VERY clumsy passage... again. >about love, he sure knew how to make her feel better. She regained her >smile. Ranma: Gee, that was quick. > >"It's okay." she said in a more gentle tone of voice "It's not really >your fault." Cloud: Punctuation needed, and replace "more gentle" with "gentler". > >"That's better." he stated as he saw her smile again "Come on, I'll >walk you home." he offered his hand to guide her, Makoto wasted no time >in grabbing it. Cloud: Punctuation and capitalization needed. > >Makoto was loosing her bad temper as they resumed walking [You're such >a strange guy, Trunks.] she thought [I wonder if I'll ever be able to >figure you out...]. Even if the date didn't turn the way she planed, Cloud: ................ >the end result wasn't so bad after all, she could feel there was a big >break through in this "relationship", after all, this was the first >time Trunks voluntarily offered his hand, a few days back she would've >still tried to pull a stunt to grab him. Cloud: Run-on sentences again. Usagi: At least their relationship is advancing... somewhat. > >"I know." Trunks brought out "How about I take you to a movie tomorrow >to compensate for what happened today?" Cloud: ................ > >"Sure, that would be great!" Makoto responded, it was nice seeing him >take the initiative for a change "What would you like to see?" Cloud: ................ > >"Well..." Trunks began "I saw this movie being announced in T.V. last >day, it appears to be a classic, I think it's called F..." Cloud: Final Fantasy? Ranma: Uh-huh. THAT'S going to happen. > >The purple hair boy was suddenly interrupted as a huge explosion was >heard a few streets away from were they stood. Cloud: Replace the "hair" with "haired". Goku: All right! A fight scene at last! Ranma: Well, it was about time. > >"What was that??" Makoto asked. > >"Let's go see!" Trunks told her "Someone might need help!" Cloud: ................ > >Both ran to were the explosion was heard hoping that it was nothing >serious. Although by the sound it made, that idea was quickly thrown >away. As the couple turned to the last street, they saw the cause of >all the trouble. A few crushed cars were on fire, but what caught more >their attention was the monster that caused the accident, it was a huge >blob with four tentacles stretching out of it's ectoplasmic body, it >left slowly from the crash site. Cloud: Lots of errors again. Hmm... A tentacled monster... Maybe there's going to be some heavy lemon scene? Usagi: Give it up already! > >"Ewww...What on Earth is THAT disgusting thing?" Makoto asked even if >she knew the answer. Cloud: Space needed, and replace "if" with "though". > >"Must be another one of those monsters!!" Trunks responded [Damn it! I >have to get her out of here and find a place so I can change into my >costume.] Cloud: ................ > >[I have to get him out of here so I can transform!] Makoto thought, >both were looking at each other trying to find a way out of this mess. Usagi: Replace the comma with a semicolon. > >"STOP!!!" said a voice on top of a building. > >Everyone turned their sight upwards to face the monster's challenger, >they saw the Sailor Senshi (except Sailor Jupiter) striking silly poses >with threatening looks in there eyes. Usagi: Arrrrggghh!! Stop insulting us already! Hikaru: (smirks) Oh, come on. Your group is even lamer than Power Rangers. Usagi: (sticking her tongue out) Well at least we get written a lot, unlike you! Hikaru: (being struck a sore spot) Just you wait, we are going to get a LOT more popular than you ever will be! Usagi: Hell would freeze over first! Ranma & Goku: *SIGH* Cloud: *SNICKER* > >"You disgusting pink jello-thing have caused all this mess..." Sailor >Moon stated striking her usual poses "You have no right to..." Cloud: ................ > > >"Hey, Usagi." interrupted Sailor Mars. > >"What?" she asked, caught in the middle of her speech. > >"I don't think it's listening." she explained as she pointed out at the >blob. She was quite right, the thing was just tearing up the place >minding it's own business and completely ignoring the Senshi. Goku: Come to think of it, why don't villains rarely interrupt heroes' speeches? It's a great opening... Hikaru: It's a genre thing, I think. > >"How... How DARE he ignore my entrance!!!" Sailor Moon said furious >"Let's get him, girls!!!" as the four girls jumped from the building >towards their adversary. Cloud: Punctuation needed, and replace "furious" with "furiously". Usagi: Remove or modify the last passage. > >Trunks and Makoto watched in confusion what just happened. After Usagi: Move "what just happened" to before "in". >recovering from the strange introduction, Trunks took firmly Makoto's >arm. Ranma: Why would Makoto be confused? She's used to listening to Usagi's speeches. > >"Let's go!" he said. > >"Hun???... but..." Makoto asked confused. Cloud: "Huh" misspelled again. > >"You have to get out of here!" Trunks explained "I'll try to find the >police, you get out of here NOW, I don't want you to get hurt!" Cloud: ............. Ranma: Like we said back in review of chapter 1, what good did police ever do in Sailor Moon? > >Makoto normally would've complained about that, but since she needed to >transform without reveling her identity she accepted and left the Cloud: "Revealing" misspelled. Usagi: Accepted what? Ranma: And what possible reason would she have to complain? >battlefield in search of a more desolate place. Trunks took a different >way than hers, since he couldn't transform like Makoto, he had to find >a place to change were nobody could see him. Cloud: "Where", not "were". Usagi: Replace the first comma with a semicolon. > >"CRESCENT BEAM SHOWER!!" > Goku: That's basically Sailor Venus's Crescent Beam multiplied several times. It probably won't be effective at an amorphous opponent, though. >Sailor Venus' attack spliced in several beams as all of them struck the >enemy. The blob didn't even bother in avoiding the attack, the blasts >went right through its body leaving several holes. Venus' attack didn't >seem to injure him a lot as they all saw how the holes filled back. The >blob regained its former undamaged appearance. Cloud: Add a "s" after the apostrophe. Usagi: Replace the first comma with a semicolon. > >"It didn't work!" she said surprised "It's like shooting at water." Cloud: ............. Goku: No, shooting water won't even create a visible hole. You're shooting a slime. > >"Except that this looks a lot more disgusting than water." Sailor Mars >added. > >Even though the creature didn't sustained any damage, it certainly Cloud: Double past tense. >noticed it was being attacked now. As it left the mail box that it was >trying to eat, it faced the attackers striking them with all four of Cloud: Trying to eat a mail post? (grins) I like this monster. Ranma: You need a professional help. >its tentacles. The Senshi started dodging the blows. >Unlike the rest of it's body these tentacles were hard as stone, Sailor >Mercury was the first one to notice this as one of the them sent her >against a wall. Usagi: Replace the comma with a semicolon. > >Meanwhile, in another place not far away, Trunks suddenly stopped in >front of a phone booth and looked at it. > >[I don't think so!] he thought as he kept looking for another place to >change. Usagi: What was this scene for? If it was for humor, it's not very effective. > >"SUPREME THUNDER!!" > >A lighting bolt came from down the street making impact against the >blob. The thing reacted by shaking up at the unexpected attack but >nothing else happened. Sailor Jupiter ran to join the rest of the >Senshi, Sailor Moon was helping Sailor Mercury to recover. Goku: That's strange... Liquid-like monsters usually have a weakness against electric attacks. It should be at least partially damaged. Ranma: It has to survive until Trunks arrives, that's why. > >"Ami, do you think you can find that thing's weak point?" Sailor Moon >asked. Cloud: Again? Sailor Mercury sure is overworked in this fic. > >"I'll try." she responded as a blue visor appeared in front of her eyes >and she began tapping on her portable computer. > >The blob recovered from the attack, if that thing had a face it >certainly would be an angry face. By using its tentacles it re-engaged >combat, only this time it wasn't delivering blows, what the blob tried >to do was getting a hold of them. Cloud: Whole bunch of run-on sentences. >The Senshi once again started to dodge the attacks and looking for >cover. >Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus were finally caught by the monster. It >took them with its tentacles and started shaking them in the air, not >only that, but it began strangling them as well. Usagi: Make the last two fragments into a complete sentence. > >"We have to cut them loose!" Sailor Moon declared, she took off the >tiara from her forehead. The tiara began to flow with energy "MOON >TIARA ACT..." Cloud: ............. Usagi: What is it with this author and run-on sentences? > >Suddenly, a black blurry form flew by the monster's tentacles cutting >both Senshi loose. Ranma: Here comes the Super Saiyaman, just like rules say, to save the damsels in distress. > >"Hun??" Sailor Moon asked still holding her tiara in confusion. Usagi: This author doesn't let me do ANY special attacks! > >Everyone now was looking at the new challenger floating in mid air >while holding both Sailor Mars and Venus. He wore a black outfit and >mask, he was also caring a sword on his back. Cloud: "Carrying", not "caring". And "midair" is one word. Hikaru: (announcer voice) Here comes the new challenger! Wait a minute, you haven't put in two quarters! > >'Who is that?' 'Another Super hero?' 'Wow! check out the hair do!!' >people started saying. Cloud: Capitalization errors, and "hairdo" is one word. > >"Super Saiya-man!!" said Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mercury. Usagi: What about me!? Ranma: I get the feeling that the author of this fanfic doesn't like you much. Usagi: Oh, why can't more people be like Flashman... Hikaru: No, we need more people like Lurker and Libby Thomas. Cloud: We certainly need less people like you two. Usagi & Hikaru: HEY!! > >The two rescuees gazed upon there savior, Sailor V had that *My hero* >look on her face, Mars on the other hand was more surprised, one moment >she was being strangled by a monster and now she was flying while being >held by a rather well built guy as she could feel it. Cloud: Run-on sentences rampant in this paragraph. > >[Am I dead and flying to heaven?] she thought, although she felt a very >familiar sensation as she was close to this new figure [That strange >energy I've been feeling lately... It's coming from him!] Cloud: ............. Usagi: Gee, even for Rei, that transition of thoughts was too fast... > >The three reached the ground softly, Rei was still looking confused at >her savior but most of all by the energy he was radiating. Usagi: Replace the comma with semicolon. > >"Are you all right?" he asked them, both of them nodded in answer "I'll >take care of that thing." Cloud: ............. Goku: Maybe he should fire barrages of energy shots until that thing evaporates. > >Trunks moved in front of the blob, he noticed that his adversary's >tentacles grew back after being cut. Wasting no time he began to make >some strange arm moves preparing to shoot his trademarked ki attack. > >"BURNING ATTACK!!!" > >The blast was fast and precise and went right through the creature. >Unfortunately, it had the same effect that Venus' Crescent Beam Shower, >the blob had a huge hole in the center of its body but it began to >regenerate and therefore sustaining no damage what so ever. Goku: Why? The heat should have done SOME damage! >The building behind the monster wasn't so lucky by the way, it started >to crumble after receiving Trunks' blast, fortunately no one was inside >the building at that time. Cloud: Yet another run-on sentence. > >"Something's wrong here." Trunks noticed a little concerned "My blast >should have blown up by making contact with that thing, it shouldn't >have gone through it." Cloud: ............. > >"It's because of its metabolism." Sailor Mercury explained still while >consulting her computer "That monster can change from a solid to a >liquid state at will, we have to find another way to defeat it." Cloud: ............. Usagi: Remove "still", it's unnecessary. > >"I'll try to zap him again." Sailor Jupiter declared "I think my bolts >have some effect on him." Cloud: ............. Goku: Yes, but less than what it should be. > >"SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON!!!" > >A snake like bolt, at least twice as big as the last one, came out of >Sailor Jupiter's tiara. The bolt struck the blob causing it to shake >once again but this time more intensively. Cloud: Put a hyphen between "snake" and "like". >Unfortunately, it didn't seam to do anything else beyond that, the blob >resumed attacking again as soon as it stopped from shaking, this time >it was more aggressive. Cloud: Run-on sentence again. > >"I think you're right!" Sailor Moon observed while dodging one of the >tentacles "It does have some effect on him. It makes him angrier!" Cloud: ............. > >The blob was angry, it had been zapped twice in a single day, and >nothing upset it more than that, it was time to dispose of that tall >girl in green. Usagi: Separating this into several sentences would be nice. > >Super Saya-man took his sword and began to slice the tentacles again >with no great success as they quickly grew back. He started to notice >something odd about the blob. It began to stretch like a cat about to >jumps on a mouse. The mouse in this case being Sailor Jupiter. Trunks >quickly flew to protect her. >The blob launched itself towards its pray with a speed no one expected >it would've had. Trunks managed to push her away from the danger >putting himself as the new target. It was too late to avoid the attack >so he put his arms in front of his face to reduce the strength of the >blow. >Much to his surprise, he didn't receive a huge blow, instead he was >wrapped up by the blob being now stuck inside the creature. The >creature had him captured inside of itself which seemed to be the way >it ate its victims. Trunks felt how he began to run out of air. Cloud: Run-on you-know-whats. Goku: Hmm. I wonder if that thing is trying to absorb Trunks's power along with his body? Usagi: (shudders) We don't need a monster THAT powerful, thank you very much. > >"We have to get him out of there or he'll suffocate!" stated Sailor >Mercury. > >"How can we get him out without hurting him?" Sailor Mars asked. Goku: Simple; just make a hole into that slime's body so Trunks can get out. Nothing you can do will harm Trunks. Ranma: Of course, they don't know how tough Trunks is... > >Inside the blob, Trunks was holding his breath, so far he could still >do it for another couple of minutes but that wasn't the problem. He >felt a burning sensation all over his body, the heat was starting to >eat through his clothes not to mention his skin. If he didn't hurry he >would be this creature's lunch. He decided to stay calm, he slowly >began to gather all his ki, his muscles began to stretch and a yellow >aura began to form around him. Cloud: Oh, I will just stop mentioning run-on sentences for the rest of this fanfic... > >"What is he doing?" asked Sailor Venus even if she knew that her >friends wouldn't give her an answer. > >The blob stopped moving, it seemed to be in pain. From the inside, >Trunks was still gathering his ki, it was time to release it in a >single blow, the blob started to inflate like a balloon. > >[If I can't destroy you from outside] Trunks thought [maybe I can >destroy you from the inside!] Cloud: ............. Goku: Reasonable tactic, though it doesn't work all the time. > >An enraged scream came out of Trunks' mouth releasing all his ki, the >blob exploded staining pink jello-stuff all over the place. >Super Saya-man stood at the center of the explosion eyes and fist >closed, the place was a real mess. >The five Senshi watched in amazement what happened, Sailor Venus was >the first to run towards the blond hero to see if he was okay. > >"Super Saiya-man, are you all right??" she asked with a concerned tone >of voice "Your arm it's..." as she noticed the burning marks. Cloud: ............. Usagi: Remove the last sentence fragment. > >"It's fine, don't worry." he said as he opened his eyes "I heal up >pretty fast." he began to clean his clothes with his hand from the oozy >remains that remained stuck. The rest of the Senshi joined them. Cloud: Punctuation and capitalization errors. > >"Thanks for helping us again." Sailor Jupiter said "You were really a >big help." Cloud: ............. Hikaru: (Makoto voice) We just can't do anything without you! Usagi: HEY!! > >"Don't mention it." he responded still cleaning himself, he noticed >that Sailor Mars was looking at him in a rather intrigued and >distrustful way [Why is she looking at me that way?] Cloud: ............. Ranma: Rei's trust is kind of hard to earn, you know. > >"Uh oh, It's still alive!" Sailor Mercury informed as she was the first >to notice that the blob began to gather up from the parts that were >scattered all over the area. Cloud: Capitalization error. > >"What???" Sailor Mars asked surprised "How are we suppose to get ride >of it?" Cloud: (grins) Oh-ho! So you want to "ride" that thing! Ranma: (throwing a Moko Takabisha) Shut up! Hikaru: (casting Honou no Ya) Didn't we tell you to stop the perverted comments!? Usagi: MOON PRINCESS HALATION! (*BOOM**SCORCH**CRASH* All of attacks hit dead on spot. Much to the three teenagers' disgust, however, Cloud stands right back up and just heals himself again.) Cloud: You're all just outclassed. Give it up. Ranma: Grrr...! Usagi: You will regret saying that! Hikaru: Someday, your arrogance will catch up with you! Goku: Um, what's this all about? I mean, Mars just wanted to ride that thing, right? It sounds wierd, but how is it perverted? Hey, is anyone listening to me? Cloud: Punctuation needed, make "suppose" a past tense, and replace "ride" with "rid". > >In a couple of seconds, the blob was rebuilt. Although the streets were >clean again, that wasn't such a big relief. > >"I've had enough of this!!" Sailor Moon declared as she pulled out her >scepter. > >"MOON PRINCESS HALATION!!" Usagi: Yes! I finally get to do SOMETHING! > >The blast struck the blob but did absolutly nothing, much to Sailor >Moon's frustration. Usagi: ARGH! Cloud: "Absolutely" misspelled. > >"Sailor Mercury, haven't you found that thing's weak point YET!!" the >senshi leader asked. > >"Well... we could still try to damage it with fire based attacks, but >I'm not sure if..." she began. > >"Say no more!!" Sailor Mars interrupted as she gathered her index >fingers. > >"FIRE SOUL!!!" Goku: Fire Soul. Sailor Mars's basic attack, just a fireball really. > >A fireball came out of the fire senshi's index fingers targeting the >blob. The creature turned into a liquid state before the attack reached >it, as if it did that by natural instinct. It immediately fled by the >sewers avoiding completely Sailor Mars' attack. Cloud: Switch "avoiding" and "completely" around, and add a "s" after the apostrophe. > >"Damn it!!" Sailor Mars said "It ran away!" Cloud: ............. > >"That thing must know its own weak point," Sailor Mercury stated "I >think that fire can destroy it, that's why it ran away." Goku: But as long as that thing stays in its liquid form, fire won't work either. > >"But how are we going to find it?" Sailor Moon asked "It could be >anywhere by now." Cloud: ............. > >"It's still here." Super Saiya-man responded, everyone looked at him >awaiting for an explanation "I can still feel it's presence, it's >trying to surprise us." his eyes scoured the place and finally stopped >in front of a nearby sewer "There!!" he said shooting a ki bolt out of >the palm of his hand into the sewer, the blob came out of there >surprised. Cloud: Tons of mistakes in that paragraph. > >Taking the initiative, Sailor Mercury gathered both of her hands >creating a small foggy sphere between them, then she threw it to her >opponent. > >"SHABON SPRAY FREEZE" she shouted as her attack hit the monster and >imprisoned it inside a block of ice. Cloud: Punctuation missing. > >"Good work!" Sailor Venus stated "Now we have to put it somewhere it >doesn't escape." Cloud: ............. Ranma: Sure, and never mind that it will melt sooner or later. > >Everyone started looking for something to put the blob into, Trunks >noticed a water tank on top of a building with the appropriate >measures. He flew towards it, cutting it loose and emptying it from the >water, then he took it to the ground and put the frozen blob inside. >The creature wouldn't be able to get out of there easily. Goku: But wouldn't his tentacles be able to tear apart the water tank? > >"Now how are we suppose to finish him off from down here?" Sailor Mars >asked him. The tank was quite large and you had to be in a higher >position in order to see what was inside. Cloud: Make "suppose" a past tense. > >Trunks didn't even bothered to answer. He took Rei in his arms and >started levitating on top of the tank. Sailor Mars was taken by >surprise, although she wasn't offering any resistance for that matter. >The energy that came out of the mysterious hero made her uncomfortable >but she didn't complain. Once on top of the tank, Trunks held her in a >way she could launch her attack, the ice was already melting and the >blob was trying to get out. It was, technically speaking, like a duck >inside a barrel. Rei threw one of her ofudas into the air and began >gathering fire at the tip of her fingers. > >"FIRE SOUL... BIRD!!!" Goku: Another fire attack, just in the shape of bird and stronger. > >The fire ball took the shape of a phoenix when it hit the ofuda and >flew right inside the tank. The blob started to incinerate as it began >convulsing in a very painful way. From outside of the tank, people >could only hear the fire crackling and the noise coming to an end as >the blob died slowly. Hikaru: Hmph. My fire spells could have finished that thing much more quickly. Usagi: Yeah right. Hikaru: Just you wait. We are going to prove ourselves a MUCH better team than you! Usagi: Go ahead and try it, bimbo! > >Rei and Trunks started descending. > >"Is it dead now?" Sailor Moon asked Sailor Mercury. > >Ami started scanning the tank with her visor while getting some >readings, after a few moments she took it off and turned towards the >other Senshi and Super Saiya-man. > >"It's definitively dead." she spoke in relief "There are no life >readings inside the tank anymore." Cloud: Punctuation needed, and "definitely" misspelled. > >Everyone sighed in relief, Super Saya-man began to walk away from the >Senshi in search of Makoto, now he had to find a place where he could >change back into his usual clothes. Sailor Jupiter saw him leave. > >"Wait!!" she said, but Super Saiya-man disappeared in a blurry vision. >Makoto then remembered she had to find Trunks, she was hoping that >nothing had happened to him. > > >Moments later, Makoto (in her civilian clothes) wandered around the >streets looking for Trunks, she left the others without saying a word. >On another street, Trunks was doing the same thing, he took a last look >at his injured arm before putting on his jacket. >The burning experience he had felt inside the blob left quite a little >souvenir but nothing some bandages and medication couldn't fix. His >Super Saiya-man costume on the other hand was beyond repair, tomorrow >he'd have to buy another one. His biggest concern at the moment was if >Mako-chan was all right. Ranma: You know, if you tried to buy that sort of stuff, people are going to suspect sooner or later. >A few minutes later, they eventualy managed to find each other on the >street. > >"Are you okay??" Trunks asked her concerned "Where have you been? I've >been looking all over for you!" Cloud: ............. > >"I'm okay, don't worry!" she responded "How about you?" Cloud: ............. > >"I'm fine thanks." he said "I think I better get you home before >something else shows up." Cloud: ............. > >"Sure, let's go!" she joyfully replied as she instinctively took Trunks >by the arm. > >As you might of guessed, Makoto took Trunks' WOUNDED arm which didn't >exactly gave him a pleasant experience during the rest of the walk (I Cloud: Replace "of" with "have". >think it's one of Murphy's laws!). Makoto was way to happy for finding Cloud: "Too", not "to". >Trunks that she didn't even noticed his expressions of pain each time >she held his arm tighter. Her abnormal strength didn't help much either >to reduce the pain. After walking a few more blocks, they finally >reached Makoto's place much to Trunks' relief. Cloud: Put a "s" after the apostrophe. Goku: Abnormal strength? Considering how tough Trunks's body is, it shouldn't make any difference whether she's strong or not. > >"Well... guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow." Makoto stated coming to a >stop and releasing Trunks' arm. Cloud: Put a "s" after the apostrophe. > >"Guess so." Trunks responded happy to feel his arm again. > >The light was perfect for a romantic moment as Makoto noticed, the >stars were shining and there wasn't a single soul from where they >stood. A first kiss would be perfect about now, but after the event at >the movie theater she was certain that such a thing wouldn't be >happening any time soon. There was no way she could imagine Trunks >pulling a pass like that on her, and she was to tired to even try. Cloud: "Too" misspelled again. Ranma: This smells like a setup... > >"Don't move." Trunks told her as he took her face between his hands. Ranma: WHOA! Usagi: Wow! Go Trunks, go Trunks! Cloud: (shaking his head) No, it won't happen. Trust me. Hikaru: With THIS Trunks? Not a chance. Ranma: I don't know, maybe, just maybe... > >To say that Makoto was surprised would've been an understatement, she >was speechless as she felt Trunks' hands gently holding her head, his >hands weren't even sweaty. Cloud: Add a "s" after the apostrophe. > >[Oh my God!! Is he going to kiss me??] she thought. Usagi: YES! Cloud: No. Ranma: Uhhh... Hikaru: I don't think so. Goku: I think so. > >Trunks' head approached hers, his mouth opened lightly, everything >pointed out that he was going for it. Makoto's face was redder than >ever, she closed her eyes and prepared herself to receive the long >awaited kiss. Cloud: Put a "s" after the apostrophe already. (Usagi, Goku, and Ranma hold their breath. Hikaru starts having doubts.) > >[Finally!!! After so long!] she thought. > >Once her eyes closed, she felt a light blow on her cheek. Trunks >released her right after that. > >"There." he said. > >"Hun??? Wha........What....." she asked confused, instead of getting a >kiss she got a blow on the cheek?? Usagi: WHAT!?! Goku: Oh, too bad. Ranma: I should have known. Cloud: "Huh" misspelled. > >"You had an eyelash on your cheek," Trunks explained "I just blew it >off, is there something wrong?" Cloud: ............. Usagi: YES!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KISS HER, YOU CLUELESS TWIT!! Hikaru: But blowing a girl's cheek isn't exactly casual either. (blushes) Ranma: Yeah... Shouldn't he be blushing or something? > >"Hu... No! Nothing is wrong." she said very disappointed although she >managed to cover it with a smile. Cloud: "Huh" misspelled again. > >"Well then, I think I'll be going now." he said putting his hands in >his pockets "I'll see you tomorrow." Cloud: ............. > >Makoto saw him leave, walking down the street. She was still blushing. Ranma: I'm kinda surprised that she didn't slap him or anything. Makoto's temper isn't as severe as Akane's, but it's close. > >[He's hopeless...] she though as he dropped out of sight. Cloud: "Thought" misspelled. > >Although she still remembered the warm sensation she felt when he >grabbed her face. > >"Well I don't care!!!" she said to herself "He will be mine. Oh yes, he >will be!" (We see a background in flames form behind Makoto >interpreting her determination). Cloud: ............. Ranma: This just spells more trouble for Trunks. > > > > >End of chapter 5. Usagi: Whew... I'm getting tired. This chapter was pretty funny, although (grits her teeth) it needed more romance. Hikaru: You're just biased. Usagi: Whatever. Anyway, Trunks is OOC is usual, and a few OOC behaviors by Makochan was there too. Still, the plot was interesting and managed to stay so. The long-awaited fight scene was detailed and good, but it was a little chunky. At any rate, it will be interesting to see how Trunks and Makochans' relationship develop further in the following chapters. >---------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------- > >Author's notes: > >I know I'm being cruel by making Trunks act this way (like a complete >idiot at love that is!), but I for one am having lots of fun by making >him do that. It's not as if this is new in anime characters, there are >lenty of anime guys who are completely stupid when it comes to girls, >Ranma Saotome from "Ranma1/2", Andy Bogart from "Fatal Fury", Keichi >Morisato from "Oh! My Goddess" and Parn from "Record of the Loddos war" >are a fine example to name just a few. Therefore, I didn't want to >break the tradition ^_^ Ranma: HEY! Okay, so maybe I'm that way, and Andy and Parn too. But Keiichi is actually quite sensitive romance-wise; that's why Belldandy is attracted to him. And Trunks doesn't seem like an idiot at romance, either. What tradition would that be? >And by the way, if you've been reading so far and you're expecting to >get some Lemon scenes of Trunks and Makoto, you can dream on for all I >care! You ain't getting any of that in this fanfic. Cloud: Oh well... Should have known better, I suppose. > >See you in chapter 6... > > Cloud stood up with a satisfied look on his face. "Okay, Meatball Head, pay up." "I don't have money right now!" Usagi whined, as was her wont. "I know that, so I'm going to hold onto this until you pay up." Cloud used his Steal materia to snatch something away from her. "Wha...? HEY!" Cloud held the Ginzuishou in triumph. "Better save up fast, kid." Usagi gave a disgusted "Hmph!" "Hikaru, where are you going?" Ranma asked. "I'm going to wash out the taste of Miss Princess out of my mouth." She responded with a glare to Usagi, who tried to look innocent. It was in vain. She stalked out of the theater, followed by Usagi who wanted to do the same thing with her mouth. Continued in part 6 of 8 Tell me what you think: VGAP homepage URL: http://www.fortunecity.com/marina/thunder/181/index.html